My Fox Searchlight

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My early Christmas present to all of you.

Colin, Paris, Pam & Tommy; A Cinematic Exploration of the Celebrity Sex Tape 

Okay, this might get a little explicit. More so than might be expected from a film director’s blog… Other than of course Oliver Stone’s blog. That said, you’ve been warned.

The first time I heard about the Pam and Tommy tape, my mind was simply floored. The idea seemed impossible. Porno was reserved for those anonymous faces that couldn’t exist in reality. They almost belonged to another universe. Pam & Tommy were from my world. While they were celebrities, the constant access to their life and familiarity with their faces made them almost seem like acquaintances. The idea of seeming them in the act was unthinkable and at the same time alluring beyond any comparison.

Why is celebrity porn kosher? When it first came out, I made a copy of the Pam & Tommy tape for my then-girlfriend’s father. The first time I saw the Paris video was at a friend’s house in the company of a dozen people. My wife got a copy of the Colin Ferrell video via e-mail from a casual acquaintance. Why is this? Does the celebrity-factor legitimize it? Either way, I feel enough people have seen one or all of these films that they deserve proper critical analysis into their craft, tone, and artistic value as cinema.

The plots of the three films are as follows:

Pam & Tommy – A pastiche of glimpses into the life of a newlywed affluent couple. Jaunts on a sailboat, a highway rendezvous, and kitchen mishaps all frame the early days of romance when everything is a discovery. Think – Michael Winterbottom

“One Night in Paris” – A one-act Pinteresque evening with a reprobate and a lithe hotel-heiress told mostly in first person. Plot centers around the discovery of a video camera and its various uses. Excessive use of night vision plays up the voyeuristic quality. Think – Blair Witch Project

Collin Ferrell Tape – A short film that was unfortunately shot while Ferrell was doing the movie Daredevil and thus sporting a shaved head, makes the sex with him and an African-American woman seem almost like the exercise of a self-hating skin-head. Oddly aware of the porn genre and bordering on pornographic satire, this falls into the “so bad it’s good” category. Think – Big Trouble in Little China.

I’m going to work from worst to best.

Collin Ferrel Short Film - The poorest of these films is sadly the Collin Ferrell tape. This is mostly due to the fact that it almost seems as though it were intended for public viewing. I say this because it seems like a “production”. There are angles, edits, and worst of all… Acting.  And this is to say bad acting. One would think that Collin Ferrell, star of Stephen Spielberg’s Minority Report and Terrence Malick’s The New World would at least offer a hint of naturalism. Instead, he is all over the place. Halfway between a bad actor’s showcase and Spectravision. At one point, he pauses from going down on his co-star to look up into camera and say (and I quote), “This is Breakfast, Lunch, and fucking Dinner.”

Yup. 

Some people shouldn’t improvise and it seems Mr. Ferrell falls into this category. Seriously, who says that? It’s just crass, awful, and worst of all… hideously performed. I didn’t believe him for a second. Every moment of this film seemed performed. Sexual positions seemed outside the realm of passion and simply there to fulfill camera angles. It was shockingly similar to normal porn without any of the ingenuity of someone like Ferrell who has shared the set with guys like Janusz Kaminski and Emmanuel Lubezki.

One Night in Paris - Just for sake of comparison, the production value of Paris is simply in another category from Ferrell. The camera work is steady. The visual ideas are concrete, clear and imaginative. The sense of voyeurism is very real. Take away the night vision that many criticize as “gimmicky” and you still truly feel like a fly on the wall of their hotel room. Here is a girl who has lived her entire post-pubescent life in front of the camera. And yet, when she notices that she is being filmed getting dressed, she seems legitimately shocked. 

Unlike the Ferrell film, the sex at the end of the day is sexy. It’s the kind of sex you would imagine in a perfume ad. They should almost license scenes to Calvin Klein. Mark my words, when America finally adopts the Swedish TV ratings system, you will see that commercial. It will open on Paris in the guy’s crotch and end with “Thirst by CK.”

That said, this is the most depressing pornographic film ever shot. A girl so desperate for love that she allowed a dreg of a human being to video tape her as she felates him. The posturing you see her doing on the red carpet is finally revealed not to be an act, but rather the constant state of a girl who seems to be in a constant depression. There are honestly moments when you can’t help think, I had no idea feigning ennui could be done with a full mouth.

The Pam & Tommy Tape  - Truffaut. Godard. Neo-Realism. Whimsy. Joy. A sense of magic. Everything the French New Wave promised came to fruition with Pam & Tommy. Sex has never been filmed so naturally. Unlike the two preceding films in which the actors are posturing for the camera, here we see a couple whose lens awareness might as well be blind, despite the fact that they are actually operating the camera.

Moments like Tommy honking the car horn with his penis or Tommy piloting the boat with his penis are so odd and inventive that if you read them in a script, you would never buy them. However the tonal control of the filmmakers is so strong that you don’t cast doubt for a heartbeat.

The previous films are about an act. The Pam & Tommy tape is about love - The first moments of love in which your heart beats so damn strong, you can’t take it. You get to the end and want to watch endless episodes or sequels. Watch them take Tin-Tin-like adventures into the Congo, the Bermuda Triangle, or Space!

If there is any justice in this world, Pam and Tommy will find their way into the vault along side the Moon Walking and the Zapruder Tape.

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