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I'm a writer with, as of April 5, 2008, two completed screenplays, two finished spec scripts and I'm always working on more. And yes, I know that's not the real ad that got Peter Criss into Kiss.
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Simpsons Treehouse of Horror part 1
May 15, 2008THE MONSTERS OF EVERGREEN TERRACE
FADE IN:
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE - AERIAL VIEW - DAY
It is a normal day over Evergreen Terrace.
EXT. APU’S HOUSE
APU is washing his vintage Camaro.
EXT. LENNY’S HOUSE
LENNY is sitting in a lawn chair and reading.
EXT. VAN HOUTEN HOUSE
LUANN VAN HOUTEN is drinking lemonade and watching Milhouse
playing in her front yard.
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE - POLICE CAR
CHIEF WIGGUM is sleeping in his police car.
EXT. FLANDERS’ HOUSE
NED FLANDERS is trimming the hedges.
EXT. SIMPSON’S BACK YARD
HOMER is laying in his hammock watching a portable
television.
WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY
(on the television)
Make no mistake, terrorists and
illegal aliens want to destroy our
country!
HOMER
Hmph! They’re all illegal aliens -
Predator, E.T. The only legal alien
was Howard the Duck!
The SKY CHANGES COLORS and a LOUD ROAR is heard. Something
that looks vaguely like a meteor flies by, but is hard to see
because of how fast it moves. Everybody stops what they are
doing and looks up in amazement.
HOMER
What the...?
Homer gets up and walks to the fence.
HOMER
Flanders, did you see that?
NED
I surely did. It looked like some
kind of me-diddly-eteor.
HOMER
It was terrorists!
NED
No, I didn’t hear a crash or an
explosion.
HOMER
It was aliens!
NED
Where do you get these crazy ideas?
HOMER
Who knows? I’m going back to TV.
Homer turns and sees the television is off.
HOMER
The TV!
Homer hurries to the television and tries the buttons, but it
does not work.
HOMER
This isn’t happening. This isn’t
happening!
Marge comes out of the Simpson house holding a cordless
phone.
MARGE
Homie, there’s no power in the house.
Marge tries the phone, but it doesn’t work.
MARGE
The phone’s out, too.
NED
I better call the Reverend, make sure
everything’s okay at the church.
Ned pulls out a cell phone, but it doesn’t work.
NED
My cell phone doesn’t work. I’m
befud-uddely-uddled.
Lenny walks by on the sidewalk. He stops to talk to Homer.
LENNY
Hey.
HOMER
Lenny, be careful! There’s no TV!
For the love of God there’s no TV!
Homer breaks down crying.
LENNY
Yeah, sure thing Homer. I’m gonna see
if they’re okay on Maple Street.
HOMER
Say hi for me.
Lenny keeps on walking. Homer turns to Marge.
HOMER
That’s where Karl lives.
Homer winks very obviously and obnoxiously, referring to
Lenny and Karl as a couple.
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE - TEN MINUTES LATER
Everyone starts to gather in the street. Homer, Marge, Ned,
Chief Wiggum, Apu, Milhouse, Luann van Houten, Skinner, Edna
Krabapel and others are there. Tensions are rising.
MARGE
What’s going on here?
LUANN
Nothing works!
APU
Let us panic!
SKINNER
No, wait. The police are here, let’s
maintain some order.
Everyone looks at Wiggum.
CHIEF WIGGUM
Me? Oh boy. I am not good in these
high pressure situations. Okay, how
about... we all... take our clothes
off?
Everyone stares at him.
EDNA KRABAPEL
Well cops are no help.
Homer, who already has his shirt off and is undoing his
pants, looks up.
HOMER
Oh.
Homer puts his shirt back on.
APU
Let’s riot!
SKINNER
Hold on, I’m sure there’s a very
simple explanation for all of this.
HOMER
It’s aliens!
The crowd gasps. Ned steps forward.
NED
It’s not aliens. I’ll go downtown and
find out what’s going on.
MILHOUSE
Don’t do it!
Milhouse comes forward from the crowd with the attention
focused on him.
NED
What? Why not?
MILHOUSE
I don’t think they want you to.
Homer ignores the boy he dislikes.
HOMER
Cram it wiener boy.
NED
What do you mean son? Who are they?
MILHOUSE
The visitors that flew by. I don’t
think they want you to leave. Every
movie and comic book I’ve ever seen
says that.
NED
Now that’s just gibberish. I’ll go
and find out what all the hubbub and
malarkey is about.
EXT. FLANDERS’ FRONT YARD
Ned gets into his car, but it doesn’t turn on when he turns
the key. Everyone looks at the car, then at Milhouse.
NED
That’s an odd co-inky-dink.
Ned gets out of the car. He walks over to Homer.
NED
Can I borrow your car Homer?
HOMER
No way Flanders! This is a job for a
man, not a... a... church guy.
EXT. SIMPSONS’ FRONT YARD
Homer is confused as his train of thought runs off a cliff.
He pushes Ned aside and hops in his car, but it doesn’t turn
on either.
MILHOUSE
I told you.
Ned starts walking down the street.
MARGE
Where are you going Ned?
NED
I’m going to walk downtown and find
out what’s going on.
MILHOUSE
Don’t go Mister Flanders. The stories
say they want you to stay here.
MARGE
Don’t go!
WIGGUM
Stay here!
HOMER
Go Ned! Run as fast as you can!
NED
This is gone too far. That wasn’t an
alien spaceship that flew over, it was
a meteor. It couldn’t be the Rapture,
I’m still here.
EDNA KRABAPEL
Then how do you explain all this?
NED
I guess I can’t. But I’m sure there’s
a reasonable explanation.
They look back to Milhouse.
SKINNER
What else do the stories say?
MILHOUSE
Well, uh -
HOMER
Spit it out poindexter!
MILHOUSE
They say that there’s aliens already
here.
LUANN
What?
MILHOUSE
They’re already here. They look just
like us, there’s probably a whole
family of them. They’re the only ones
who can leave.
Everyone pulls back and looks at everyone else, noticeably
uneasy.
NED
Now this is crazy. There aren’t any
aliens or monsters disguised as
people. All this will do is make us
suspect each other and tear us apart!
SKINNER
He’s right. I saw the same thing
happen in Nam. We were surrounded by
the enemy, all lines of communication
were out. Or so we thought. It turns
out -
EXT. PRINCIPAL SKINNER’S FRONT YARD
Principal Skinner’s car starts, even though no one is in it
and Skinner is with the group. The crowd gasps.
BACK TO SCENE
HOMER
It’s him! It’s Skinner!
MARGE
Principal Skinner!
CHIEF WIGGUM
You’ve got some explaining to do,
Skinny Boy!
SKINNER
My car starts and you’re convinced
it’s me? This is outrageous! You
have no proof of anything!
The car turns off. Everyone turns on Skinner and slowly
backs him down the street onto his yard.
APU
He’s always been an odd one, you know.
EDNA KRABAPEL
Ha! Don’t even get me started on what
he likes to do.
NED
Stop it! This is exactly what we
can’t do! We’re turning on each other
for no reason!
AGNES SKINNER comes forward from the crowd.
AGNES SKINNER
I didn’t think anything of it before,
but he does have a radio in the
basement that he works on an awful
lot.
SKINNER
Mother!
EDNA KRABAPEL
I’ve never seen it.
HOMER
Me neither. Who are you trying to
talk to with that radio?
SKINNER
Mister Simpson, you’ve never even been
in my house! It’s not any of your
business, but it’s a HAM radio. It’s
been a hobby of mine since I was a
young boy. Turning on me so quickly.
I can’t believe all of you.
APU
Maybe it is we who cannot believe you.
EXT. PRINCIPAL SKINNER’S FRONT YARD
Everyone is now on Skinner’s yard.
HOMER
That’s it, I’m going to get his radio!
Homer starts forward, but Skinner moves onto the porch,
preparing to defend himself.
SKINNER
No you’re not. I was a Green Beret
and I know my rights. I’ll defend
myself against anyone who tries to
come into my house.
HOMER
Oh, got something to hide, do you?
NED
No he doesn’t! We can’t accuse all of
our friends for no good reason! Every
little quirk everyone has will come
out, then -
HOMER
Flanders has something to hide, too!
The crowd murmurs.
HOMER
Ned’s got some secrets, too! Go on
Marge, tell ‘em.
MARGE
I never said anything before, but
sometimes, late at night, I’ve noticed
Ned standing outside his house,
looking up at the sky.
The crowd murmurs.
HOMER
Explain that!
NED
(sarcastically)
Don’t you know, Homer? I’m looking
for the aliens! I’m waiting for them
to come down!
Homer stares at him, slack-jawed. Ned puts his head in his
hands in disgust.
NED
Ugh. I have trouble sleeping. Ever
since Maude left, that bed seems too
darn big. So sometimes I come down
and look at the stars or go for a
walk. When did that become a crime?
The crowd murmurs again.
HOMER
I’ve got my eye on you.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE - THAT NIGHT
The sun is down and all the lights are still out. Some
houses have candles lit. Chief Wiggum, Luann van Houten,
Milhouse, Homer and Marge are all outside on their lawns.
They are all keeping an eye on Skinner, who is on his porch.
They have candles with them to see.
EXT. SIMPSON’S FRONT YARD
Homer opens a beer.
MARGE
I don’t think you should have another
beer.
HOMER
(half drunk)
What? Who said that?
He looks around, then sees Marge.
HOMER
Oh, it’s you. The fridge is out, the
beer will go bad. I can’t let good
beer go bad!
Skinner gets up off his porch and goes inside his house.
HOMER
Hey! Where’s he going?
EXT. PRINCIPAL SKINNER’S FRONT YARD
The crowd gathers on Skinner’s front lawn again. As they get
close to the porch, Skinner comes back outside.
APU
He went to talk to the aliens!
SKINNER
That’s enough! No one come any
closer! I went to use the restroom.
I certainly wasn’t going to go out
here with everyone watching.
HOMER
He’s lying! Let’s get him!
Ned comes forward from the back of the crowd.
NED
Now wait, stop it this
min-tinnely-inute! We’re turning on
each other again! There’s no reason
to get anyone!
HOMER
Sounds like alien talk to me!
CHIEF WIGGUM
That’s good enough for me. Let’s get
Flanders!
The crowd turns on Ned. After one step, Apu yells out.
APU
Wait! Someone’s coming!
He points down the street. Footsteps are heard and they see
the vague outline of a figure walking toward them in the
darkness. The crowd is huddled together, watching the
figure.
MARGE
Who is that?
CHIEF WIGGUM
It’s one of the aliens!
NED
No, there are no aliens!
HOMER
Listen up Flanders! I’m not going to
take a chance it’s one of your monster
alien buddies coming to eat us!
Homer grabs the gun out of Chief Wiggum’s holster and fires
it down the street a few times. The figure stops, groans,
and there is a thud as it falls to the ground.
MARGE
Homie! You killed it!
The crowd slowly advances with their candles. As they get
closer, the light show it to be Lenny.
HOMER
Lenny! He went to check if anywhere
else had power!
Skinner kneels down and checks Lenny’s pulse. He slowly
looks up at the crowd.
SKINNER
He’s dead.
Everyone stares at Homer, afraid of him.
HOMER
I didn’t mean to! I thought he was an
alien! It’s not my fault! I didn’t
mean to kill him!
SKINNER
Maybe you had to kill him. Kill him
before he could tell the rest of us
who the alien is!
EXT. SIMPSON FRONT YARD
The lights in the Simpson house turn on.
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE
Everyone turns on Homer. They advance on him while he backs
up.
HOMER
No! It’s not my fault! I’m not an
alien!
CHIEF WIGGUM
Just what an alien would say!
HOMER
It’s not me!
EDNA KRABAPEL
He’s trying to get away! Get him!
They all keep advancing on him, closing the gap. Apu picks
up a small stone and throws it at Homer, who gets hit in the
head with it.
HOMER
(panicking)
Ow! It’s not me, I swear! I know who
it is, though! I know who it is!
The lights in the Simpson house turn off. The crowd stops.
SKINNER
Well, who is it?
LUANN
Tell us who it is!
HOMER
(stalling for time)
It’s..uh...
Homer looks at the crowd.
CHIEF WIGGUM
Who?
HOMER
It’s the little geeky kid!
He points at Milhouse.
HOMER
It’s him! He’s the one who knew there
were aliens here! He’s the one who
started this whole thing!
EDNA KRABAPEL
He’s right!
They all turn on Milhouse.
MILHOUSE
It’s not me! I didn’t do anything!
LUANN
He’s not an alien!
The lights in Luann van Houten’s house turn on, then off.
CHIEF WIGGUM
It’s them!
The lights in Apu’s house turn on and off.
SKINNER
No, it’s Apu!
Chief Wiggum’s police car turns on with the lights on and the
SIREN SOUNDING, then turns off.
APU
No, it’s Chief Wiggum!
Edna Krabapel’s house has its lights turn on and off, too.
CHIEF WIGGUM
It’s the teacher!
All the lights in the houses, streetlights, and cars start
turning on and off. A riot starts.
HOMER
If we’re gonna survive, we can’t trust
any of you!
EXT. EVERGREEN TERRACE - AERIAL VIEW
Voices are heard about the rioting.
MARGE (O.S.)
It’s the Flanders!
CHIEF WIGGUM (O.S.)
It’s Skinner! Get him!
APU (O.S.)
It’s the Simpsons! Kill them all!
HOMER (O.S.)
Ow! I broke a nail!
The CHAOS AND RIOTING continues. PULL BACK to:
EXT. CLIFF - NIGHT
KANG and KODOS stand next to a machine with a bunch of dials
and knobs. Their ship is next to them with lights on inside.
The cliff overlooks the now lawless town.
KODOS
You see Kang, this is all we have to
do. Soon they will destroy
themselves!
KANG
Such a pathetic species! I’m glad we
evolved past such pettiness long ago,
Kodos.
They both laugh. Their ship POWERS DOWN and THE LIGHTS TURN
OFF.
KODOS
What did you do?
KANG
It was your fault, you fool!
Kang and Kodos SLAP EACH OTHER with their tentacles.
FADE TO BLACK.
Trailer for a Screenplay
Apr 5, 2008INT. MARK’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON
Elsa stands with the front door open, storming out. Mark is on the other side of the room, mid-fight.
MARK
Wait! Sit down!
Elsa stops, SLAMS THE DOOR and sits back on the couch, still fuming.
ELSA
Now what? You’re gonna force me to stay?
INT. FIRESTATION - LIEUTENANT’S OFFICE - DAY
Mark and Nick stand while Walt leans on the desk.
MARK
I can make people do things.
WALT
Some people have - abilities. It’s normally small. Nick's faster and stronger than most.
Nick kisses his biceps.
MARK’S POV - POKER TABLE
Mark sits at one of the casino’s Texas Hold’Em tables. PAN from left to right, at all of the nine other players. Each player has the IMAGE OF THEIR CARDS ON THEIR CHEST so Mark knows what everyone has.
WALT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Some know exactly how to read people.
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Mark stands with a paper-thin translucent PINK SHIELD in front of him. It protects him from three thugs with guns. Mark takes a step forward. Thug 1 SHOOTS. The bullet HITS THE SHIELD and DROPS to the ground. The thugs all FIRE a few shots which IMPACT on the shield and drop to the ground.
WALT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Some can take a beating more than they should be able to.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - MOVING SHOT - MARK - DAY
Mark is FALLING from the top of the building. He twists to look below him. The TRANSLUCENT PINK SHIELD APPEARS right below him, falling as fast as he is. The distance between the shield and Mark gets smaller. Mark LANDS hard on it while it is still falling. The shield stops falling and stands still, outside the middle of the second floor.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - SAME TIME
Everyone on the ground nearby stops and looks at Mark standing on the plane floating 15 feet off the ground.
WALT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
But it's usually small.
INT. FIRESTATION - LIEUTENANT’S OFFICE - DAY
Mark, Nick and Walt are still in their same positions.
WALT (CONT’D)
This isn’t.
EXT. CITY STREET - AFTERNOON
Walt, holding a gun at Mark, stands in front of a car as it EXPLODES. The blast KNOCKS Walt back.. He looks up to see the large fire and no sign of Mark. Walt takes out a cigarette and lights it. When he looks up, his mouth drops.
The fire rages. The PINK SHIELD, IN A PYRAMID SHAPE to protect Mark, EMERGES from the flames.
FADE TO BLACK.
WALT (V.O.)
Do you actually believe six billion people on Earth are all the same?
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